Ian was a DJ
I met him on Avenue A
I gave him my number cos hey
Why not, he was a DJ
He was so good at texting
But our real conversations vexed me
So I moved on to the next thing
Cos he was only good at texting
(only good at texting)
Martin that was your name
I met you on the 1 train
You were super duper duper hot on the 1 train
You said you were a painter
Mostly you were a waiter
A stoner and a skater
So I had to say later
These are the boys that I dated in high school
I thought they were so nice and I thought they were so cool
These are the boys that I dated in high school
They weren't very nice and they weren't very cool
I remember Rocky, he was two grades above me
Always wore a Bad Brains tee
I remember Rocky
He wouldn't dump his girlfriend
He said she gave such good head
And since her grandpa was dead
He couldn't dump her just yet
(he said she gave such good head)
I remember Beardy
I think his real name was Reid
We met at a Misshapes party
And I just called him Beardy
I told him I was 20, I was 16 so that's sketchy
He found out and was angry that I told him I was 20
These are the boys that I dated in high school
I thought they were so nice and I thought they were so cool
These are the boys that I dated in high school
They weren't very nice and they weren't very cool
Alex Mallory, you were kind of mean to me
I gave you my virginity
I was 17, you were 23
We did it right before prom
I was scared to tell my mom
It wasn't really the bomb
We did it right before prom
(we did it right before prom
We did it right before prom)